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Bossy Urban Planner Marries Man with Funny Accent
Press Release. Unlimited Circulation.
September 11, 2009. Washington, DC.
Meghan Mattingly and Andrei Sinioukov were married Friday, September 11, 2009 at the Washington, DC Courthouse.
The bride, a Washington, DC native, holds a BA in International Relations from the University of Virginia and is an MS candidate from the University of Illinois in Urban Planning. An accomplished scholar and professional, she has been awarded numerous awards, scholarships and fellowships in recognition of her unwavering commitment to travel the world hoping to improve the lives of the less fortunate.
Andrei Sinioukov, the bridegroom, is a foreigner.
Meghan Mattingly, the bride, unable to pronounce or spell the groom's last night, is keeping her maiden name.
The bride has won something she refers to as the "Boring Fellowship" that will enable her to move to the country of Tarzania shortly after the wedding. The bridegroom, while remaining fully supportive and proud of his bride's accomplishment, is deeply suspicious of the bride's excitement about moving around the world and her exact intentions there.
The couple was wed under the trellis of artificial yet still wilted flowers in a civil ceremony performed by a dedicated public servant. Following the ceremony, the small wedding party was transported via all-American rickshaws to Nora in Dupont Circle, in accordance with the couple's somewhat un-American belief in the appeal of human-powered transportation. Befittingly, Nora is America's first certified organic restaurant. Its strict standards are demonstrated by the fact that the cake the mother of the bride lovingly designed was not allowed to be consumed on premises for fear of potentially sub-organic baking techniques. Nora is a place where wealthy, liberal Americans frequently come to lunch. The newly wed couple loved the place.
The couple's gift registry, guided by the overly left-leaning demands for adherence to child labor laws and environmentally sound manufacturing and transport practices has been deemed financially unattainable. Instead, the newlyweds will subsist on the IKEA home furnishings and kitchen utensils purchased in their freshman years and the inherent irony therein.
Andrei and Matty
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